The picture above is of me with my paternal grandparents when i was 4 ( a few years ago :)). In my mind, my grandmother was the one who made me cookies and cakes and my grandfather was the one slipping me $100 bills when I was on my way back to college after a long weekend. In truth they were both "standoffish" and not very warm and fuzzy. Don't get me wrong, they both loved me and I loved them VERY mcuh, but my memories of them have changed over time so that I've forgotten that they weren't who I had started to believe that they were.
I think this happens with many parts of life. For example, before coming out, I had many friends from my home town and church who were very important parts of my life. After coming out, I kept them in the same place in my heart and mind even though many of them never bothered to reach out to me or keep in touch with me. I recently found that one entire family (4 people) had "un"friended me on Facebook. I guess you can say I was disappointed or grieved on some level when I found out but I really started to think about their place in my life and what they had meant to me. In reality they haven't been there for me for over 12 years yet my "warm fuzzy" feelings for them had remained the same.
A great friend of mine told me that if my expectations of people were unrealistic that I would be constantly let down emotionally and that I needed to put people in their place in my emotions so that I was prepared. If they exceeded my expectations I could be pleasantly surprised but at least not heartbroken when they let me down. Its taken a while to do that and still be optimistic on some level.
I hope that this helps me to put some perspective on relationships and have a healthier outlook on them. What do you think?
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